The Child Behind the Addiction: Justin's Journey to Recovery
After spending most of his life in prison and battling addiction, Hope and Vision Communities resident Justin* explains how he is still ‘one of the lucky ones’ as he slowly heals from his past traumas, accepts himself with compassion, learns to emotionally regulate, and finds peace, joy and hope again.

Justin is a smart, friendly individual who is deeply interested in psychology and speaks in a measured and thoughtful way. This is at odds with what you would expect someone with his life experience to be like.

“I didn't speak up because somewhere in me, I felt I deserved all this”

Justin experienced multiple adverse childhood experiences growing up, where violence and criminality was common. Sadly, he also experienced sexual abuse from age 12 to 15 by someone who was supposed to be a trusted adult. After the abuse was reported to the police, he was traumatised further by the way they treated him, and how his trauma was revealed to his community. Yet he expressed how before the sexual abuse even began, he had developed issues, such as an anxious avoidant attachment style, due to his unsafe home environment with volatile or emotionally unavailable adults surrounding him.

Generational trauma shaped much of Justin's childhood. His parents were teenagers when he was born, his grandfather was an alcoholic, and his father left the family when Justin was very young. Left to raise two young children alone, his mother was battling her own pain and challenges which led her to be controlling and form enmeshed relationships with her children. This all resulted in Justin feeling a deep sense of shame as a child, as he was aware of how his family looked in his community. Although loved and nurtured in many ways, he couldn’t help but feel like there was something wrong with him, that he was not worthy, when in reality he was just a child in a highly unfortunate position. He was not to blame for his upbringing.

As children of dysfunctional families growing up usually do, Justin normalised his home life and internalised blame, thinking that he deserved the sexual abuse he faced, and that the chaotic home life was the only way of living, as this was all he knew. This led him to be an aggressive pupil at school, always causing trouble. Teachers often told him he would not amount to anything, which only heightened his hidden pain and shame. They were unaware of the adversities he was dealing with when he was just a kid.

“Heroin became like a spiritual experience to me, because I just felt whole for once.”

His childhood transported him directly into criminal activity and addiction as an adult and quickly became his coping mechanisms. He was using the only tools he had at the time to ease his pain, and he had no consistent examples of emotional regulation or healthy coping strategies. As a young adult, Justin participated in burglaries, drug dealing and serious harm to others, with some criminal activities leading to prison. By this time, Justin had become a young dad himself and sadly could not be present for his own children and wife during those formative earlier years. By the age of 21, he had three children under the age of five, yet he had never been shown what healthy parenting, emotional regulation or a stable relationship looked like. As his addiction progressed, he became trapped in a cycle of substance misuse, offending, imprisonment, and release. Justin has spent much of the last 30 years in and out of prison, with his longest sentence being 15 years.

Today, we understand that experiences such as abuse, neglect, domestic violence, parental substance misuse and family breakdown are known as Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). Research has shown that people exposed to multiple ACEs are at significantly higher risk of mental health difficulties, addiction, crime, homelessness and poor physical health later in life. Justin's story demonstrates how unresolved childhood trauma can shape a person's life for decades when support is not available.

“Sometimes you have got to jump into the abyss of not knowing how this is going to go”

Now in his 50’s, Justin has the strength and ability to regulate his emotions, stay away from self-destructive behaviours, and arrive at a place where he understands himself and feels self-acceptance of his past and present. He got to this place through deep personal reflection and the values that ACEs recovery promotes. He has learnt to surrender to his feelings, find humour when things are bleak and he forgive himself when he has relapsed. Justin no longer sees himself as a victim, instead he believes that he has the agency and ability to change the trajectory of his story, and within this, he has found a safe haven with Hope and Vision Communities which he is grateful for. The seemingly simple concept of a safe and calm place with a sense of community and understanding has meant the world to him.

Justin’s story is an enlightening one of an innocent child being dealt extremely hard cards in life, with no positive role models to look up to, yet his efforts towards recovery has meant that Justin is able to start over and become his own role model. He looks ahead with optimism and hope for the future and reflects on how despite his upbringing, he always knew he was loved and always loved others despite it all.

Justin's story is a reminder that adverse childhood experiences do not have to define a person's future. With safety, support and the opportunity to heal, recovery is possible and new beginnings can happen at any stage of life.

This article was written by Hope and Vision Communities volunteer Estella Levi.